May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
