I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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