A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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