i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
