I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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