if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
