hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
