Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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