Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize