Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
