I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
