Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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