Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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