Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
