Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize