I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
