I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
