I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
