explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
