I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize