I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
