I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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