Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
