it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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