I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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