Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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