i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
