I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
