If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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