guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
