Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
