What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
