Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
