I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
