You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
