Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
