omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
