just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
