I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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