I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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