I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
