I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
