why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
