Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
