So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
