is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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