I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
