..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
