hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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