Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
