It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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