Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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