i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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