Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
