So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
