dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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