It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
