Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize