Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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