I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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