It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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