it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
