Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
