he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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