If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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