I accidentally had phone sex last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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