I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
did i walk over a car last night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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